Author: Jennifer Miller, LCSW
The term "narcissist" has been floating around the internet everywhere lately. Do you know someone who seem cold and uncaring?....Are they TRULY a narcissist? Keep reading to explore narcissism.
First things first: narcissist is short for Narcissistic Personality Disorder, which is a clinical mental health disorder in the DSM-5-TR (the manual we refer to when we are diagnosing clients and patients). I point this out because we often lose the true meaning behind some clinical terms and throw them around too loosely. This also happens with:
Bipolar (Bipolar Personality Disorder)
ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder)
Schizo (Schophrenia)
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
Antisocial (Antisocial Personality Disorder)
Why is this problematic?
1 - These terms become overused
Overuse of clinical terms leads to general desensitization.
2 - Stigma increases for those actually suffering from and living with these disorders
No one bats an eye at someone saying struggling with anxiety...which is also a disorder
3 - Certain traits (often inaccurate traits) become associated with the terms, creating a whole new meaning
A person having mood swings is not necessarily bipolar
So let's take a look at what Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is:
Presence of at least 5 of the following 9 criteria:
A grandiose sense of self-importance
Examples:
-feeling or behaving as if they are above or better than everyone else
-tendency to be self-centered
-god complex
A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
Examples:
-constant or consistent talk of gaining money and/or power with no actual merit or effort to gain them
-belief that they deserve no less than the best in life, most stunning partner, and greatest romance with no accountability for behaviors
-excessive effort to beautify self: excessive exercise, plastic surgery, etc
A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
Examples:
-presents as charming but some behaviors don't match presentation
-feeling or behaving as if they are so different than the average person that no one could possibly understand them
-rejecting bids for "average" friendship, companionship, and even occupational opportunities because they are above what is being offered
A need for excessive admiration
Examples
-baiting people for compliments
-over-dressing for the occasion
-working hard for the purpose of being commended
-putting others down to build themselves up
-expressing "interest" for the purpose of getting it back in return
A sense of entitlement
Examples:
-feeling like things are owed to them without merit
-behaving in an presuming manner as if it is expected that they should have certain access, benefits, etc.
Interpersonally exploitive behavior
Examples:
-taking advantage of friends, family members, and partners
-taking kindness for weakness
-verbally maximizing the perceived flaws of others (knows boyfriend is self-conscious about legs...person with NPD may make a joke about boyfriend's legs in a group setting for laughs)
-may use others to get what they want
A lack of empathy
Examples
-inability to place themselves in someone else's shoes
-this could look like someone trying desperately to explain their distress (sadness, trauma, anger) and the person with NPD might brush them off, tell them they're being dramatic, or otherwise discredit and invalidate those feelings
-lack of accountability for actions
Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
Examples
-this could show up as anger toward a "rival" (partner's ex, colleague, sibling)
-fails to take accountability for their role in negative or uncomfortable situations because "they're just jealous"
A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes
Examples:
-excessive bragging, "humble bragging", or overbearing pride in themselves
-showing disdain or contempt for others in comparison to their own perceived self-worth
-displaying an diminished value for others
...and not better explained by one of the other similar diagnoses (differential diagnoses) like Antisocial Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Histrionic Personality Disorder (more on these in future blog posts).
Takeaway
People could have one or two of these traits, maybe even a handful, and still not be "a narcissist," or meet criteria for diagnosis. If you believe that YOU might have NPD, reach out to a mental health provider for assessment and to learn skills to navigate life in a healthier way.
Reference
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425787
Copyright 2024 Jennifer Miller Jennifermillerlcsw.com
Related Posts
